January 26, 2010

Next Generation tracksuit

Blog Linda Cook - Amsterdam: Next Generation tracksuit

I’ve never really been much of an AbFab fan. I can appreciate it intellectually but it never really makes me laugh out loud like Only Fools and Horses does. But I must admit that every morning when I have to make the crucial decision, usually time-challenged, of what to wear in order to feel smart, glamorous, sexy and comfortable, I think of Edina.

There’s that one episode where she’s dressed for a day in the office wearing an anthracite trouser suit over a crisp white shirt with turnback cuffs. She’s obviously not happy. “No!” she mumbles, tottering around her bedroom, clutching an attaché case in one hand and shoes in the other. “No, NO!” (she’s shouting by now) “I just cannot be THIS person!” She throws her bag and shoes to the floor. Her mobile rings. “Oh what? WHAT??” she screeches, as her neuro-driven automatic pilot propels her to go over and answer it. She looks at the display and closes the phone quickly, picking up her hands-free instead and stabbing in a number. “Oh Bubble darling it’s me, look…”

With some difficulty (“No, YOU do it! YOU do it!”) she gets her air-headed assistant to cancel her meetings for her and heads over to the wardrobe uttering a ritualistic chant: “Speak to me…oh speak to me… Where are you?” Pulling down a divining rod from the top shelf she holds it over her clothes. “Yes,” she says as she’s drawn to a particular hanger, “I hear you! Yes, yes!” She’s almost climaxing as she removes a garment and holds it against her, swooning with the sheer relief of finding an end to her misery. “Thank God,” she sighs, “a Next Generation silver tracksuit.”

Me, I can’t help wondering if she’s got a rod for the jewellery too. I could sure as hell use one.

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